Port Richmond: Love/Hate September 1, 2008
I love my neighborhood. I really do. I have some great neighbors, people can be good. But then there are just days when I want to force mandatory abortions on all women under 25 (and forced sterilization of all men. Period). Before I begin, let me give you some background: the people on our block care. They do. They (myself included) invested in planters to put outside to beautify not just our own homes, but the neighborhood and the block. Even our resident nuisance bar has roses in front (roses? I didn’t know that meatheads could be gay. And 75). I came home the other night only to discover that they’ve been stolen. We were spared (and thankfully so — we have Greensgrow plants and teak bench and table.). Why did they do that? Prob kids (dont think there’s a black market in cheap plastic planters with roses and evergreen shrubs). God, I cant wait for school to start and the nuns to start giving these kids the beatings that they weren’t given all summer…
Mornings are the best in my neighborhood: it’s quiet, peaceful, the meatheads aren’t out (or drunk) yet. So how sad was I when I woke up and saw “N*GGER” spray painted on a house the next block over? Yep. And, in case you haven’t realized, that would make this the SECOND racial vandalism in less than a year in the Port Richmond section of Philadelphia (and the 3rd racial incident, lest we forget the NY eve ’08 riot. Where were YOU when the riot happened?). Unfortunately, I don’t think that anyone of interest (read: media) knew about it. Today’s Labor Day, after all — they were busy covering parades and do-it-yourself workshops. I was torn: do I call the media and report it, or not. It’s not such a simple answer.
My 1st instict is :hells yeah!” Embarrass the meatheads. But then I thought: my husband works with African-Americans. They know that he lives here. He (and those like him) have to bear the burden of going to work and having people that they know and truly like and respect say “don’t YOU live in Port Richmond?” It casts those of us who don’t think in meathead grunts in a bad light.
But then again, I want to embarass those assholes. I want police here, beating white trash heads. The more miserable they make it for residents, the more the residents hate those that bring this shit on to us. Look, I’m not racist. But I’m ot going to turn this into a post about how we should all get along. The fact is, right or wrong, people have racial bias. I will never argue my way out of that. But here’s what bothers me (and, it should, them): they are just as “bad” as the “n%ggers” that they complain about. Why?
Let’s run down why they hate blacks: they claim that they are lazy and dirty and shit in the area that they live (hence, ghettoes). How is this different from what whitey no-balls did? They just shit in the area where they live. Residents had to wake up to what amounts to graffiti in their neighborhood. Graffiti is graffit, whether it’s an ad for soemthing that you (sickeningly ) believe in or not. So guess what: white trash is not only no better than “n*ggers”, they’re worse. Cuz they think they’re better.
So that’s what I woke up to. But that can’t stop you from the work that needs to be done on home repair holidays such as Labor Day. So all day, R and I set about working on the shit that we say we never have time to work on. Home repairs. Books that need to be read (wine that needs to be drunk, sun that needs to be bathed in). The great thing is, that some cock-sucker also took this opportunity to do the things that he puts off, namely letting his dog take a shit on our front step. Yep. In broad day light. Guess what: I’m going to make an educated guess that he’s white. And that he hates blacks. He hates them because they’re “dirty”. Interesting.
So, in summation, my dear friends: white trash like to graffiti, let their dogs shit and steal flower pots. Yeah, it’s a good thing that blacks don’t live in the neoghborhood…
It’s nice to see that the flies are still here. Consistency. I like. But what’s even better are the mosquitoes. If ever there was an asshole in flying, biting form, it’s the mosquito. Little a-holes.
My entire life has been devoted to being sustenance for mosquitoes. They love me because I hate them. The thing that really sucks is that I can never feel them biting me. How long does it take for a welt to form? Immediately? Hours? I wouldn’t know cuz I don’t know when they attack. I just know that I wake up with bumps and a desire to Agent Orange all of Port Richmond, Philadelphia.
So I’ve been trying all sorts of natural remedies. I want to avoid DEET at all costs. I’ve tried a Bug Off stick from a local, natural boutiique. I’ve tried Quantum buzz Away Extreme (up to 8 hours. Ha. I put it on and then watched as a bitch landed and bit me). I had my own home remedy: a delightfully fragrant blend of cedars and citronella and neem and sticky oil. My search for outdoor happiness continues…
Garden of Flies: Pestulance, part 1 August 26, 2008
When flies overrun, is that one of the signs of Armeggedon? Well, it should be. I’m being attacked as we speak. Fly fights in my hair. The most disgusting thing EVER. What gives? I thought that this was just a Port Richmond problem (3 locations that I’ve been too, including my own house). But I was in Willow Grove last night and BAM: fly fights. In my hair.
Ok, let me make it clear: I am a clean person. There are never dirty dishes in my sink. My laundry remains clean and fresh. Floor, spotless. Flies? Assholes. They’re EVERYWHERE! What gives? Global warming? Or will one of the Pharoah’s sons be killed? You know, the favorite one…